E.

Enjoying the Ease, Painting a Memory at Port Jefferson, Long Island

Ah, ease.

I’ve been feeling a bit more appreciative and less anxious these past couple of days – and it feels amazing.  A lot of hard work has been (and is still) put in and the benefits have just been that much more rewarding.

Part of me staying at ease has been me trying to be around nature as much as I can (walking in parks, sitting outside in our little garden, etc.); it has a mysterious way of snapping me out of societal ‘pressures’ and bringing me back to the roots of ‘life’, making me really appreciate the air we breathe and the natural, non-obtrusive beauty this world beholds.  Living and working in NYC (or any other big city at that) makes ‘being one with nature’ a little more challenging.  Sadly, sometimes the next best thing to an escape that I can get to around here is standing next to a tree on the busy streets- and that’s if I can find one!  It becomes even more of a challenge considering we only get summer weather that all but a few weeks out here!

So in honor of inching a little closer to ‘nature’ and appreciating it with a much calmer mind, my husband and I set off for the day to Port Jefferson, Long Island.  It was actually half a day, but I was determined to use all of my senses and really live in the moment.

Now, I think the last time I was at Port Jefferson was about two or three years ago.  I can’t really even recall what I did out there because I took it for granted.

But that wasn’t going to happen this time.  I made sure to make my visit a memorable one and not let it be another blur, especially since I feel like I went out there with a ‘new pair of eyes’ and a, truly, ‘open mind’. Read more

3.

3 Fears I Conquered at the Beach

Happy 4th of July, everyone!  I hope everyone has started to enjoy their holiday weekend!  I know that I definitely started to enjoy mine, and it’s all because of conquering the below three fears yesterday at the beach.  Here we go:

1. Wearing a bikini
I have so many of them in my closet, but I never really wear them out because, well, I don’t feel comfortable in them.  I buy them from time to time because I think “one day I will be comfortable, and when I am, I will be so happy frolicking around in one,”  but that day didn’t really seem to come.  Yet, it wasn’t until yesterday that I made that day come.  I said to myself, “You know what, if you’re waiting for that day that you will be stick thin, or a day you don’t feel bloated, or a day you finally won’t be subconscious, it probably will never come.  And if it does, will that day be in the dead of winter where, surprise, surprise, you can’t wear it because the beach is closed?  What are you hiding from?”  And it was with this in mind that I said enough is enough, put on my bikini, and headed to the beach.  Was I subconscious about my appearance, yes, a little.  But I didn’t let it ruin my day.  I didn’t let it ruin my fun.  I let go and let live.  And you know what?  No regrets.

2. Swimming in a beach… with seaweed.
A few years ago, I went out to the beach with my husband and we were swimming around just fine until I felt something wrap itself around my leg and pull at me. I started to freak out and panic.  My husband, so afraid that it was perhaps an aquatic animal (read: shark) or something, helped me up on his shoulders from the water and quickly checked my leg.  What did he find?  Seaweed.  He started to laugh about it and let me back down into the water, but I, oh, I just went into a crazy panic mode where I screamed, cried, and started having anxiety in the middle of the ocean (the shore was a little swim away).  I clawed up his shoulders, making sure I stayed there until we got back to the shore.  And ever since that day, I swore to only swimming in clear waters where I can see what’s under the ocean and never went into a NYC beach ever again.

However, yesterday was a different day and I, tired of wanting to feel that water and just afraid of doing so, decided to give it another chance.  I thank my husband for holding my hand as we walked into the ocean, seaweed and all, and made me move past my comfort zone. I’m not going to lie, as we walked I felt pinches on my feet (seashells (I’m hoping)) and I jumped and started to freak out again, but we went back in and gave it another shot.  In the end, I was standing in the water, seaweed around me (eep), but I was comfortable with it.  When I tuned it out of my mind, I really started to enjoy the touch of the cooling water up on my body, which was standing in the beating hot sun, and I smiled.  It had been years since I last swam in a beach with seaweed, but there I was, soaking up the ‘here and now’.

seaweed & beach!
Me holding a piece of seaweed 😡

3. Being buried in the sand.
There were just too many instances as a child of evil people burying you and leaving you behind.  I can recall those instances.  Yes, to them it was probably ‘funny,’ but as a child, it is actually quite psychologically damaging!  It was why I volunteered myself to go into this giant hole, that was dug up between my family and myself, and be buried.  Was it still scary?  Um, yes.  Especially since no one else wanted to do it because they, too, had childhood traumas!  But, it was a shame to see that hole go to waste and it was more of a shame to see an opportunity to let go of a fear go to waste.  So in I went.  And while I felt a little, well, claustrophobic, I was actually okay in that hole.  Yes, people kind of started to walk away, but I was mentally ready.  Because I knew that they actually wouldn’t leave me there.  I was sure of the love they had for me; which is probably why my family laughed as they walked away when I was buried in the sand as a child, because they knew that they actually weren’t going to just leave me there.  They would be there to help me out.  And through the years, I’ve learned to understand that I am loved and that no one wants to see me hurt; therefore; no one will leave me there.  Alone.  To suffer.  So why should I be scared?  I shouldn’t.  And from this experience, I grew.  And it was fun. (I actually am laughing and yelling “Nooo” in the below picture- haha!)

stuck in sand

So take this weekend to get over a little fear you have, whatever it may be.  If it’s at the beach like mine was, then cool.  Don’t like sand in between your toes?  It will wash off.  Afraid of being buried?  Ask to be buried, you will come out.  Afraid to wear that swimsuit, or hey, even a swimsuit at all?  Just go for it.  Do what makes you happy and don’t live life always holding back.  Only you know when you’re ready.  If you’re not, seek out something else that you think you may be ready for.  And only when you feel like you kind of are ready, then great, take the plunge, just do it.  You won’t regret overcoming some of your fears – even if it’s just one.  Go on, be brave, you won’t regret growing.  At least, I didn’t :).

Loren.